Sorry about the mess, BUT

I'm in the middle of changing things around, or I have had a really busy week, or any number of reasons really. I find myself saying this a lot, even when my house is tidy I say it..lol I have one of those houses that even when everything is tidy and clean it still looks messy and dirty. There are marks on the walls that wont wash off, stains on the carpet to just wont budge, base boards that have paint coming off them and generally look well, like crap !! And don't even get me started on the outside, I could go on about it for hours.

I can spend hours cleaning day in day out and the next day or in same cases even as little as a hour later its back to chaos!! I dread people just popping around unannounced. No wonder I don't have any friends I cant even have people in my home with having a wee panic attack when I hear the gate click!

Its so disappointing and depressing that when you slog your guts out day in and day out and no one really cares or appreciates what your doing. My husband walks in the door and just rolls his eyes and I know what he's thinking. Get of the computer and the couch woman!! He is right thou, I do spend way to much time on the pc.

I feel so selfish about even thinking all this right now, least I have a husband to come home and roll his eyes at me, least I have a house, least its mine (well and the banks) and I can do what I want with it. There are people in Christchurch that have lost everything!! The people they love, the homes they live in, everything and her I am bitching!

I have a rather charmed life, sure I don't have lots money in the bank I cant just go and buy what I want when I want it at the drop of a hat, but in the long run I generally get what I want. I have my husband who I love more than I can even say, even with the eye rolling, I have my kids who are all happy and healthy that I adore. In the big scheme of things I really don't have much to complain about.

Yet its all I seem to be doing lately, I can't see the good in anything, and its pissing me off and not helping the situation either !! I used to be a upbeat person with lots of friends and people around me . I wouldn't want to hang with me either the negativity is driving me insane. I want to make a stand today, no more self pitying its getting me and my family no where. I have to start putting some money aside to start with so I can get my new carpet, paint, curtains! I have so many ideas on what I want to do to thins place to get it to how I want it, and spending money on crap inst going to get me there!! maybe even a garage sale is in order! Get rid of some of the stuff I have around.

And so starts project house!

thanks for reading my rant, it feels good to get that all out iykwim!