I AM AWESOME

I really need to tell myself more often, I am a good, talented, honest, caring person so why do I have the need to have other people tell me this to feel it??? hmm question of the hour.

Why do I care about what I make/do for other people so much more than what I do for myself?? I guess seeing as this one of my things for the new years to work on. To let things go and not let what other people think, hasn't made any progress at all.

I am always talking about how my house is a mess and how I hate it , yet I don't look after it how I should, but when I go and clean my mums house I go above and beyond the call of duty. Then something has been pointed out to me today that has got me really thinking in a convo between my very good friend Tracy who inst afraid to call it how she sees it.

Well you are always going on about how much you hate your house and how horrid it is, but anything to do with it and stuff for your kids you don't put in the same effort as you do with things you do for other people to me that tells me you don't put as much value in yourself as others

And you know what that is soooo correct I don't value myself at all, so everything I do for myself suffers,

For an example how this convo came up. I was taking about some pants I had make for my daughter and I said some of the seems were shocking , so Tracy said “well maybe you need to take more care.” And I was all “nah she'll be right.” But in saying that, if I was making those pants for someone else I would be all up and arms about them being perfect!!

But how does one fix something like this??? its not something you just wake up one day and change, I cant change who I am, I cant suddenly care!

I'm not writing this post so people to comment and tell me I'm awesome I am writing this for myself in the hope that if I get it out there I might be more aware of what's going on in my head and to document how much I grow as I try to work on this problem of mine, to see if I make any progress at all...lol

Don't get me wrong if you have any suggestions as to how I could fix this part of myself and grow some self esteem please feel free to let my know!

Thanks for listing to my ramblings,